The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
