Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
