just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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