I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
