She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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