Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All the doctor said was why
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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