I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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