I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
