Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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