I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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