well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
