if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
