Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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