I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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