Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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