The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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