Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
