u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize