In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
