The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
