she woke up with a sticky ear
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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