I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
