One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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