I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
