i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
