you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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