He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
