The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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