She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize