Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Mom said you looked used
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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