I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
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If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize