it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
