We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
