1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize