I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
