I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
