Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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