you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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