every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
