The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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