I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize