Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
