brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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