just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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