dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
