it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
