Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
a search helicopter?!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
