She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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