we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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