Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
