You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
