You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I smell like Dick and happiness
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
