Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
