Me. At least after what I've been through.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
