I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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