If that was your dad, he is hot
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
