Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
