I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
