Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
