I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sext me about skeletons
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
