My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
