Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
handjob tips. give me some.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
