you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
