ya dads aren't the best wingmen
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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