Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
