I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
