i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
