did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
