That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
