just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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