I look better un-naked...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
