I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
