It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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