Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
