just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
