I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
