Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
