So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
